segunda-feira, 30 de novembro de 2009

Lágrima que não...cai


Há expressões que usamos diáriamente, umas com afinco, outras por ser corriqueiro, outras porque... enfim... hoje me dedico a uma que se adequa bem ao dia de hoje. Um dia de merda...

Dia até começado com uma boa disposição acima da média, mas como uma mão dá e a outra tira, toca de estragar o teu dia nina!E o meu foram infímas migalhas... A meio da manhã toca de levar com o telemóvel a tocar e ouvir a voz do boy a soluçar do outro lado, a contar um acidente de carro com entes queridos. Tremendo que nem varas verdes, pedi calma e que explicasse o que se passara... Uma menina de 14 anos e a tia de ambos tinham tido um acidente aparatoso e cada uma tinha ido para seu lado,a tia Mariana ou Titi como é carinhosamente apelidada, para o Hospital de Portimão e a Ester de helicóptero para Lisboa, Hospital de Santa Maria, ora num acidente já a chegar ao Algarve, coisa boa não era.

Cabeça a funcionar a mil à hora, liguei para todos os departamentos de bombeiros a tentar saber algo mais, apenas soube que a menina estava em mau estado... Boy a sair disparado de casa, com 24h de serviço em cima, sem dormir a pegar num carro em más condições, directo a Lisboa sem o poder segurar, mana casula, e eu com o maior sangue frio possivel. Entre noticias de uns e outros fui sabendo que a titi para além de uns joelhos desfeitos e multiplas fracturas nas pernas, tinha uma hemorragia interna enorme, perdido muito sangue e baço que tinha de ser retirado o quanto antes, mas depois de retirado não corria risco de vida, já a minha Ester... Não era bem assim...

Impotente talvez seja o melhor termo a aplicar, entre a merda do telemovel que não paráva,o telefone fixo entre hospitais e merdas do género, uma criança dá entrada no Hospital com um quadro clinico menos simpático... Um maxilar partido, falta de dentes, cara rebentada,uma bacia com ferros expostos (havia partido a mesma meses antes e ainda não os havia tirado) um baço a causar uma hemorragia tremenda, tinha que ser tirado o quanto antes senão ficava ali mesmo no helicóptero, mas nada causava o coma que levava quando nele dava entrada, o traumatismo craniano sim.

Depois de cirugia de urgência mal chegada a Lisboa, é internada nos cuidados intensivos da unidade de Pediatria em Santa Maria, a neurocirugiã anuncia mesmo assim que corre risco de vida devido ao severo traumatismo craniano que tem, imenso,e que o prognóstico é muito reservado.Sequelas? Inevitáveis... Eu? Com a maior calma possivel, até agora...

Boy para acalmar, sogra e sogro para quase gritar para se acalmarem(como se fosse possivel), apenas choravam e choram desalmadamente, Ester prostrada numa cama de hospital, sem reação, apenas uma cara linda que dorme... À espera de resultados de TACS, raios-Xs, e merdas do género de sacar cabelos encaracolados para meter tubos na cabeça da moça e mandar papás fora do quarto por uns bons minutos,sem saber o que era ou para que servia. O que importa é que eram necessários. Venham eles caramba! São para a pôr boa? 300 que sejam, mas que os façam!!! Dói? Que se foda! Mas ponham-na boa!!!

A esta hora, depois da calma aparente, frieza quanto ao assunto até, tudo cai.Não me reconheço a mim mesma, confesso... Quero é a Ester boa, a andar, a falar, a rir, como antes! Ligo à minha sogra que não fala, chora e que tento confortar com as minhas palavras até menos mimosas às que está habituada secalhar, mas que lhe pedem para ir comer, se fortalecer pela menina que a espera no quarto, mas que dela precisa forte, e mãe,boy que... chora... e a revolta toma conta de mim já. À espera de noticias da titi, que adoro, mulher, tu... Quantos não te queriam como mãe??? A revolta que sinto agora não tem explicação! O que motiva as minhas palavras eu e tu sabemos... Mas sei que apesar das tuas mazelas, te pões boa num instante!

A minha Ester... Tem que ter o mesmo tratamento! A menina que conheço desde os 3 anos de idade, que dizia "galola" em vez de gaiola, que adorava o cheiro a gasolina cada vez que se parava numa bomba de gasolina, que de piralha de palmeirinha na cabeça passou a mulher de figura esbelta de quase 1.80mt de altura,(já passaste essa marca aliás) esguia e sorriso inconfundivel, o que cresceste catraia! Não te atrevas a falhar-me agora.... Não te ia perdoar nunca miuda!

Maxilar partido? Temos pena! Bacia? Arranja uma nova! Eu procuro no Google para ti, mas não me falhes miuda,não desta maneira... (como se tivesse nas tuas manitas...)

A ira domina-me a esta hora, a cólera então... Tanto ser malfadado a merecer o purgatório, mas o valente e no seu sentido lato, e dois seres que não o merecem a sofrer? A fazer sofrer quem os ama? INJUSTIÇA!!!! Tu Mariana, mereces a merda de... que tens??? Tomara eu fazer justiça pelas minhas mãos.. seria implacável neste momento, a que me segura agora, desculpa....

Tu Ester... Anjo em sua aurea inalcançável, nem palavras tenho para ti... Nem as lágrimas me caem, ou sequer caíram hoje, tal é a raiva que sinto por tamanha... INJUSTIÇA! Quem me conheçe sabe-me emotiva, chorona, mole, e merdas como estas, mas hoje... NÃO!!! E que raiva sinto de mim, sinto-me... nem sei dizer, queria chorar mas não consigo, até precisava, mas não adiantaria de nada, porque não te acordariam do coma! Ou mudariam o teu estado miuda?

Sabes qual é a minha vontade? Chegar à beira da tua cama de lençois de hospital tipicos, abanicar-te e gritar " Acorda miuda, já chega!" E nisto nem uma lágrima cai, dasss... Virei monstro? Diz-me que não Ester. Até porque sei que amanhã acordas,olhas para mim e com o teu sotaque bem alentejanito me dizes:

- Mara, que estás fazendo aqui??? - Eu te responderei...

- Escuta lá ó magrela, vamos a mexer esse corpo Danone tá?? - E assim seremos as duas...

Tu a minha menina que comia batatas frias cruas e eu... a "tia" maluca!

Espero por ti na praça de sempre...e ai de ti que falhes miuda!


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